I have recently had the great fortune of receiving some well-timed wisdom.  Wisdom that I didn’t realize I needed, but the kind that grounded me, held me tight, and reminded me of just how grateful I am to be on this journey even when it’s hard.  Mother’s Day feels like an appropriate time to share.

We are in a challenging season as a family.  Like many, we’re navigating endless highs and lows and most days feel overwhelming at best.  When we allow it to, that feeling quickly steers us off course. On those days in particular, it’s hard to know what to do next, it’s tough to be the facilitators of the strategies our boys so desperately need and even the most menial tasks feel like giant hurdles.  Lately, it was on some of my most difficult days that I received love in the form of perceptive insight.

Several weeks ago, I was talking with a former colleague, filling her in on the boys and the general craziness of life, reminiscing about a project we worked on together several years ago.  At some point in the conversation with grace and reassurance she paused and said “being a parent is the most important job you’ll ever have.”  

She didn’t know that I was struggling to fit everything in and putting great pressure on myself in the process.  She definitely didn’t know that I felt like I wasn’t good enough, qualified enough, informed enough or efficient enough.  It was a simple sentiment, but one that has stuck with me.  And truthfully, it has become a mantra that I say to myself with care when I’m in need of a reminder.  Because, she was absolutely right.  No matter how hard this journey is, being a parent is without a single doubt the most important job I will ever, ever have.  Perspective.

More recently I had some rare one-on-one time with my dad.  I was sharing with him the emotional rollercoaster of a recent breakthrough in Max’s speech development and the challenges we’re working to overcome with Fletcher as we navigate the residual effects of pandemic life paired with his sensory needs. The conversation felt heavy.  Because I’m completely exhausted.

He compassionately shared that in parenting, he and my mom used two guiding principles – one is the idea of roots and wings and the other is the notion of unfolding, not molding.  The latter is particularly significant because neither of our children fits neatly in a box.  And they never will, nor do we want that for them.  

That conversation with my dad was a gentle reminder that we’re on the right track.  That we’re supporting our sweet, curious, and energetic boys as they grow and unfold into the people they’re supposed to be rather than trying with all of our might (likely unsuccessfully) to mold them into who we believe that they should be based on benchmarks, how others have done it, or social standards.  There’s no script, there’s no manual, there definitely isn’t the certainty that we are getting this right 100% of the time.  But there’s such a significant difference in unfolding versus molding.  And I find so much beauty in the idea of our children growing, evolving, and opening in an outward way as they’re ready.  

In quiet moments I’m able to feel extraordinary gratitude for the ways that we are supported on this journey.  Sometimes that support is simply a gentle nudge of reassurance through kind, thoughtful words.  On this Mother’s Day, I’m sharing the recent well-timed wisdom that I received with the hope that you may find love and support in surprising ways on the days you need it the most.