“Mama?” Fletcher said in a tiny voice as he finally settled into his third chair for virtual learning this morning. He ditched the dining room table and the portable tv table and opted for using a hardcover book as his writing surface for the morning so he could sit in our comfy living room chair with a foot stool. That wasn’t a battle I was going to fight.
“Yeah buddy?” I replied.
“Can I have a hug?”
Mondays are hard for us. The transition from the weekend into a new week is always tricky. Sometimes we’re pleasantly surprised and other Mondays we struggle more than usual. The difficult part is we just never know how it’s going to go so we have to be mentally prepared for any scenario. Also hard. (I did yoga and a little meditation last night in preparation for today. In hindsight, I’m glad I did!)
We’ve started a Sunday night routine to help our brains know that the following day is Monday. We take early baths, get in our cozy jammies and watch America’s Funniest Home Videos together as a family before bed. It’s the only night that AFV is on and the only night we watch it together. It’s also the only night we have that exact routine and we always talk about the upcoming week. Foolproof, right? WRONG.
Today Fletcher was completely blindsided by the fact that it was Monday. He thought with complete certainty that it was Sunday despite the fact that we did our Sunday night routine, had a full weekend together, talked about the week, got clothes set out and made sure we were set for another week of virtual learning. It was a rough way to start the day.
He was clingy, struggled to focus unless I was sitting in the same chair with him (it’s the pressure of creating a Fletcher sandwich between me and the arm of the chair), was irritable, easily frustrated, edgy and ultra sensitive. He couldn’t find a comfortable spot. The chairs didn’t feel right, the table was too high, he didn’t want the exercise ball or heavy blanket, nothing I suggested was a suitable option, and his words were sharp. Despite completely losing it inside, I kept my voice calm and level and worked really hard to continue to validate how he was feeling while providing him with clear expectations, choices and boundaries.
We’ve been at this long enough for me to know that his words and actions were a function of his sensory dysregulation rather than anything I did or said. So we focused on that. I gave him deep pressure and big squeezes, sat in the same chair with him for the majority of his morning meeting so he knew I was close, and made sure I validated how hard mornings can be – especially Mondays. Maybe most importantly, no matter what he did or said, I always offered him a hug and was quick to oblige whenever he asked for one, even when I had to dig really deep. Despite the frustration each of us was feeling, he needed those hugs…and so did I.
After a while he seemed to settle in and participated along with his class. He eventually completed his asynchronous work and by the afternoon was in a completely different frame of mind. We splurged over the weekend and rented Sing 2 so we got one final watch in this afternoon before our rental expired (It’s totally worth it, by the way. Such a great movie. And really amazing for sensory-seekers…Fletcher was up and dancing for most of it!). And he was thrilled to greet his dad at the door and let him know that he was all done with his work for the day. We like to celebrate small wins and the big ones.
Tonight I reveled in some one-on-one time with Fletcher as we read books before bedtime. We mapped out our day tomorrow, taking special care to ensure he knew it was Tuesday which meant school. I gave him the choice of opting out of OT tomorrow night if his body needed a break recognizing how taxing virtual learning is for him (he opted for the break) and then we recapped what went well today. It took him a minute to think of something. So I started listing things that I could think of and pretty soon he had a whole list. I loved ending the day on a positive note, we don’t always take the time to do that, but it was a good reminder for me to incorporate that as often as we can. Here’s hoping we can build off of that list tomorrow.
To a better Tuesday for all! <3