My brilliant fifth grade teacher had our class memorize a poem by Jack Prelutsky called Homework! Oh, Homework! The opening lines are “Homework! Oh, Homework! I hate you, you stink! I wish I could wash you away in the sink!” Relatable, right?
I was in fifth grade in 1992 and can still recite much of the poem from memory. I remember thinking how cool Ms. Johnson was for letting us acknowledge how much we despised homework. And for a second, some of us thought this poem meant we’d be homework free that year… we weren’t. A great way to start the year, though!
Homework in our house now is usually an anxiety-ridden, multi-hour event. I often find myself reciting the opening prose of that poem in my head while I use every fiber of patience I have to help Fletcher make it through. This is our third year of Fletcher having actual homework – not including his full year of virtual learning which if you don’t mind, I’d rather not relive.
We’ve learned to approach homework differently. While I’d rather just power through and get it all done, that isn’t what works for Fletcher. So we’ve figured out how to incorporate strategies to manage his sensory needs which usually helps temper the amount of stress he feels. Nothing works one hundred percent of the time, but we’ve experienced a decrease in the colossal after school meltdowns and the painstaking procrastination of simply getting started.
I’ve learned that the first few weeks of school (sometimes longer), I can’t plan on getting anything of my own done between Fletcher arriving home after school and bedtime. I found when I tried to cram in responding to emails, flying to meetings or getting anything checked off my to-do list, it added to the level of stress. Eliminating all expectations of myself (outside of getting dinner on the table) has made a huge difference in the climate of our house because I can focus my attention on the boys and getting their immediate needs met… and I’m not stressed out about not getting anything else done.
Tonight Fletcher had two assignments that involved writing and coloring and had to read for twenty minutes. He’ll tell you proudly that he doesn’t craft and writing has never come easily to him so naturally, he’s not a fan. The All About Me page he was assigned was so visually stimulating with boxes and clip art and words that there was no question in my mind as to why he was so stressed. He truly didn’t know where to begin, which object to color first…much less what color to choose. If I didn’t realize what was happening, I would’ve thought he was purposely trying to get out of his homework. But the anguish on this kid’s face over what color to use to shade in an ice cream cone was real.
We broke up his sheet into manageable chunks. One box at a time. He was able to articulate that he thought music might make him calm, so we put his headphones on and he listened to the music of his choice while he worked (letting him choose gave him some control in a situation that felt completely OUT of control for him). Then I offered to use our massage gun to apply a little sensory input to his legs while he worked – that was a winner. The drawing was stressing him out (his words!), so I suggested maybe we do photos instead. We happened to have a polaroid camera for an activity with his brother so he used that, but using a phone and printing out the pictures would’ve worked just the same. That was the ticket. His whole demeanor changed and all of a sudden, my third grader approaching meltdown city became a homework enthusiast. His focus was on getting it done rather than thinking of all the obstacles in front of him. And I took a whole body breath when that shift happened. Because sometimes strategies feel like a hail mary pass in the final 5 seconds of the Superbowl.
Reading rates right up there with writing and crafting on his list of least favorite activities. So to get through his 20 minutes (a 5 minute increase from second grade!) we incorporated movement, breaks, a timer and several venue changes. He read for 5 minutes and then took a break to jump on the trampoline. He read at the kitchen table, on the swing, and then finished on the crashmat. And miracles DO happen because after the reading timer went off, he read for another minute “because I did waste a little of my reading time.”
We make it through homework by taking care of Fletcher’s sensory needs first. We’ve learned it just isn’t productive (or pleasant) to try and force him to get it done by sitting and powering through. Would we like homework to be done in 30 minutes? Sure. But that just isn’t our reality. So instead, we’re prioritizing his sensory needs, building homework in as a major part of our nightly routine and not sweating the small stuff.
As a quick sidenote: As Fletcher has gotten older and work has gotten more challenging, I’ve learned to find my voice with his teachers. Advocating on his behalf as it relates to assignments and expectations has come into play on numerous occasions. Now, with Fletch there’s a fine line between struggling to sit and do the work and not wanting to make an effort (he’s a path of least resistance kid) so we sometimes have to dance around that a bit. But ultimately, we know our kid best. He has experienced enough challenges already, I’m not going to have one or two assignments unravel all the work we’ve done and make school a completely negative experience because we just won’t come back from that. Instead, I figure out with the teacher where we can meet in the middle. Maybe that’s having him articulate his story for me to write down or type if the assignment is about sentence structure and paragraphs, not penmanship. Or maybe it’s having him complete enough math problems to demonstrate proficiency in the concept and leaving it at that. Life for our kiddos has to be about balance and that just isn’t a one size fits all situation – especially for our kiddos who are neuro-divergent with or without sensory needs.
To a manageable, successful and peaceful school year – however that looks for you and yours!
XOXO