Dear Parent –
If you’re feeling overwhelmed with the emotional roller coaster of parenting a child with sensory integration challenges, and frustrated by not knowing where to look, who to talk to, or how to get started on a positive path forward, you’ve come to the right place…because about five years ago, I was exactly where you are.
First, I’m sending you a giant mama hug – this kind of journey can be really isolating and incredibly difficult. My husband and I have two boys – Fletcher who is 8 and Max who is 5. Both of our kids have sensory processing disorder, among other challenges. We have learned a lot in the last 5 years. When we were at the beginning of discovering the needs of our oldest, Fletcher, it was difficult to imagine that life would ever feel easier. But it does now. The strategies he’s learned have helped him immensely. And us, too.
If your child isn’t in occupational therapy, I’d recommend asking your pediatrician for a referral ASAP. I have a background in special ed and didn’t realize the breadth of what OTs do until Fletcher started. Now OT plays a big role for both of our boys. Getting an OT eval will let you know if that’s a strategy that might help. We had a horrible initial experience, but have since landed at an amazing place with therapists I can’t imagine life without. (So if you don’t feel supported by an OT or don’t feel like they connect with your child, keep looking.) Our occupational therapists have been a huge support for me, too. Sometimes it’s nice to know when you’re on the right track and they’re really good about letting us know that. I’ve also learned so much from them about effective strategies to implement at home.
I’m including some of the tools we started using with Fletcher when he was 4 that were really helpful for all of us because they gave him some control in situations with regard to naming how he was feeling and/or the root cause (Zones of Regulation and HALT). Visual schedules have also really helped both boys. For kiddos with unique neurology, it can be hard to organize around what’s coming next or what they need to do (morning routine) so I included some information about that here, too.
Following is a description of some of our favorite tools for managing transitions, feelings, emotions, and meltdowns. Emotional regulation was a really critical place for us to start for Fletcher, but everyone is different. To be honest, they’re things that all kids would benefit from.
Visual Schedules: What I’ve learned over time (and it makes total sense!) is that kids (people) with sensory challenges, ADHD, ASD, EBD, etc. struggle to organize around transitions and what’s coming next (and to be honest, so do I!). They often need ample time to help their mind shift – which means that providing them with a visual schedule gives them the tools they need to know what to expect and how to prepare themselves. We have visual schedules for morning, after school and bedtime routines and when he was really little, we made him visual schedules for school as well. We started this when he was 2 without knowing what we were doing because our mornings were really hard. He likes a schedule he can check things off of so I either laminate them or put them in a sheet protector and give him a dry erase marker. It gives him some control which is also key. I attached a few samples.
Zones of Regulation: When Fletcher was three/four his meltdowns were REAL and they were frequent (I’ve also learned that meltdowns are different from tantrums. Tantrums tend to be behavioral and usually stop when a child gets what they want. A meltdown occurs when a child feels overwhelmed by feelings, surroundings, overstimulation, anxiety, etc.). And the problem was he just didn’t have the words to tell us how his body was feeling. Zones of Regulation completely changed that for us. Basically, it works on emotional control and self-regulation by aligning feelings with colors. So we often say “Fletcher, how does your body feel?” and he’ll respond with “yellow because I’m nervous about school” or “red because I’m angry that I can’t have a treat.” But it didn’t start out that way. He’d simply just reply with a color and we’d go to the chart and then try and figure out what was causing him to feel that way. Five years later and we still ask him how his body feels sometimes and he still responds with a color followed by an explanation. This strategy is woven into the fabric of our family. For more information about Zones of Regulation, you might be interested in their website: https://zonesofregulation.com/index.html and I’ll attach some Zones visuals with characters that we really like (Star Wars is a fan favorite here). We have them posted in all major areas of our house for quick reference – even now several years later. It just helps all of us.
HALT: In addition to identifying HOW Fletcher was feeling, it was important to also give him the tools to help us know what he needed. The premise of HALT is that often, emotional dysregulation can be tied to something they need…
H- Hungry (need to be fed!)
A- Attention (need someone to play with them or to feel connected)
L- Lonely (need a hug)
T- Tired (need rest, less stimulation, nap, etc.)
After just a little bit of modeling, Fletcher began quietly going over to our HALT poster to point to what he needed and often, if we addressed that, the emotional dysregulation usually dissipated. The key for him was having some control in being able to name what didn’t feel right.
COMFORT/DEEP PRESSURE: Both of our boys really benefit from deep pressure. So often during a meltdown or difficult moment we think kids need space. Sometimes that’s true, but often they’re actually craving connection but don’t know how to ask for it. Now, during a meltdown or tough moment, we’ll say “do you need a hug?” Ninety nine percent of the time they respond positively and we give them a giant bear hug with some extra squeezes which helps meet some of their immediate sensory needs.
Attached to this post are visuals for Zones of Regulation (not my work), HALT and sample visual schedules.
I’ll start with this. It’s a lot of information and is so much more sustainable in little bite-sized chunks. (I have felt completely overwhelmed for much of our journey as I’ve tried to figure out how to make things work for us…it’s definitely not a one size fits all.)
And I’m here. Reach out. Send me an email, comment on this post, leave a message on Facebook, parents need support, too <3.
Welcome home.
Annie
