Parenting is hard.  Parenting a child with sensory processing challenges is so hard.  Being on the receiving end of efforts to regulate is HARD.  This is a journey.  On more than one occasion I have been reminded that it’s a marathon, definitely not a sprint.  When Fletcher was four, I would experience being hit, kicked and scratched (which I now know were functions of his sensory system being completely overloaded).  And then sometimes within minutes I’d be cuddled, kissed and thanked.  It’s a roller coaster.  It’s hard to shift as quickly as our kids do sometimes. And quite frankly, I’ve had to dig really deeply some days just to keep it together.  Other days I have completely lost it.  There have been words, feelings and tears… so many tears.  There have been moments of frustration and moments of explosive pride. 

A lot of our conversations are around our boys’ regulation… or lack there of.  But if we’re being completely honest, I, too become dysregulated.  At times I feel confused, terrified, empathetic, and have mama bear moments where all I want to do is protect my boys and take away all of the hurt.  This. Is. Hard.

Does this sound familiar?  I SEE YOU.  And I am you.

Here are some things I’ve realized over time:

1.  Self care, self care, self care.  Now more than ever, self care isn’t just critical.  It’s necessary.  Let me qualify this by saying that I used to hate it when people would tell me to take care of myself like I didn’t know it was important (even though they were very well intentioned).  I reacted that way because I was overwhelmed and it just felt like one more thing.  I know all too well that when it feels like the train is completely falling off the rails, the last thing you’re thinking about is a warm bubble bath, a pedicure or a night out with friends.  Like who has time for that?  But what I’ve learned is that I can only show up for my boys in the best way possible when I take care of myself.  Even if it’s as simple as eating nutritious food, drinking enough water, getting an adequate amount of sleep and moving my body a moderate amount.  I always feel so much more prepared to take on what the day tosses my way.
2. Communication is a life line.  It’s easy to put my head down and forge ahead at a table set for one (and there have been times on this journey where I have done just that).  But this doesn’t just impact me.  It impacts my husband and our families as well.  If ever there was a time to overly communicate about strategies, feelings, discipline, handling situations, feelings, feelings, feelings… it’s right now.  In this moment and all of the succeeding moments on this journey.  Because what I’ve realized is that frustration is a slippery slope.  It quickly leads to isolation.  And that’s not good for anyone.  Not the child, not the parent, not anyone.
3. I’ll talk about this in a stand alone post, but I wouldn’t have made it this far without therapy for me.  I’ve learned that scheduling regular therapy appointments is a form of self care in and of itself and I’ll always be grateful to my mom for normalizing therapy for her girls.  It is literally what has gotten me through some weeks.