*(Halloween isn’t celebrated universally. Anticipation and excitement are universal in the way they can potentially impact our littles with sensory integration challenges, however. My hope is that whether or not you connect with Halloween you’re able to relate this topic to situations in your life where it may be helpful. <3)
Raise your hand if you’re suffering from a Halloween Hangover today… (I’m raising both!).
I’m not talking about having one too many adult beverages while accompanying your kiddos trick-or-treating (but that could be fun!) nor am I referring to the effects of too much candy on our littles although that’s also a challenging part of this kind of weekend!
Worse than any potential sugar high for us is the pandemonium brought on by anticipation. My head is still spinning from a weekend of high energy, managing ALL of the emotions, and the impulsive behaviors brought on by the HIGHEST level of excitement and anticipation. My whole body hurts and I am exhausted.
Last week was spirit week at school. Fletcher had three themed days leading into a costume/treat party in his classroom that sent him home with a giant bag of treats. I thought he’d crash on Friday night (maybe hoped is a better word…I knew better though). He didn’t. Saturday and Sunday were tough for him. So much to look forward to, and SO hard to wait.
We managed the best we could by setting timers (sometimes for 5+ hours) so he could ask Alexa how much time was left until trick-or-treat. We gave him time away from all stimulation to relax on his own when he needed it, tried to engage him in any activity we could think of (with an emphasis on physical activity) and Mike and I gave each other knowing glances when we knew one (or both) of us was working really hard to keep it together. Because that’s the thing. This kind of weekend isn’t just intense for Fletcher (and to be honest, we can’t imagine what his sweet little body must feel with so much excitement coursing through it for such a long period of time) but it’s also incredibly intense for the rest of us. And that’s really, really hard. In the past it has caused us (as Fletcher’s parents) to struggle because we were so busy trying to manage Fletcher’s feelings on top of our own that we weren’t on the same page.
We worked hard this time around to check-in with each other. We spent time with friends on Friday night and while we didn’t do that intentionally, it recharged us in a way that we needed. After a long day of managing Fletcher and his many phases of anticipation on Saturday we had a long chat after the kids were in bed and then collapsed onto the couch to mindlessly binge a new show knowing we had one more day ahead of us.
Fletcher really gets into stuff like this – loves the dressing up (we had three costume changes over the course of the weekend), the socializing, the candy…all of it. In order to make it through relatively unscathed we’ve learned over time that our biggest line of defense related to anticipation is setting and managing expectations. Helping Fletcher know what to expect (schedules, timelines, talking about who he will see, when things will be happening, etc.) and then managing our own expectations (which is really me managing MY expectations if we’re being honest). This year I didn’t force Max to wear a costume he had no interest in, I didn’t fret over getting the perfect photo or making sure we connected with everyone in our circle (pandemic helped!). I rolled with it the best I could – expectations out the window. And you know what?! I survived. And I had fun in the process!
I don’t know if you can relate to this, but sometimes I get a picture in my head of how things SHOULD go and I cling to that so tightly that I end up stressed out and frustrated instead of finding the fun in even the most unlikely moments.
Following Fletcher’s lead wherever I could meant a non-traditional trick-or-treat experience but it also meant quality time with family and good friends while he ran his anticipation-charged energy out with his cousin and one of his best buds. And while I’m tired today from the obvious, I’m also grateful for yet another lesson – when we allow ourselves the time and space to follow their lead, our kids are our greatest teachers.
Now. Here’s to a week that’s a LITTLE less intense than the last. Give yourself and everyone around you grace. Take time to recharge if you can. Make easy meals, exercise, do something that brings you joy. Cancel obligations that feel like too much. Stop and get a coffee or tea and take the long route. Do something…anything to refill your cup… because at the risk of sounding cliché, you can’t pour from an empty one.
XOXO