Everyone has difficulty with impulse control from time to time. Imagine a jar of freshly baked cookies on the counter—do you take 1, 3 or 6? Or when you are running late on your drive to work and seem to hit every single red light. Are you cool as a cucumber? Or out of frustration do you have a few choice words?
Having control over certain things can be a good thing for children (chores, daily living activities, a typical routine, etc.) This provides them with a sense of responsibility and accomplishment. However, it can become problematic when the need for control adversely impacts a child’s ability to appropriately participate in everyday life.
Here are a few examples of how the need for control might impact a child’s daily life:
- Difficulty participating in reciprocal play (turn taking, sharing)
- Cooperative play (wanting to constantly be the decision-maker)
- Waiting (and repeatedly asking questions about “when”)
- Listening (active listening versus listening to respond or interrupting)
- Following directions (impulsively deciding to do something different than what was asked)
Struggling with any of the examples listed above accompanied by redirection can result in defiance, impulsive actions and refusals. No matter the environment, these situations can be difficult to navigate for both a child and a caregiver. Having regulation strategies, self-control, and flexible thinking skills can help a child appropriately respond to the need for control and impulsive tendencies. For example, a child may jump out of their seat in class, push a peer, grab a toy from a friend, talk out of turn, become distressed when they lose at a game, or habitually interrupt peers/adults. Most often, these behaviors aren’t malicious, but they can be an indicator that a need isn’t being met. While there may not always be an explanation for certain behaviors it is important to take a step back and ensure that the child’s sensory needs are being addressed and that they have a safe place to express emotions/feelings. With the right strategies or “tools in their toolbox” and with enough practice, children who struggle with impulse control can learn to self-monitor and manage their impulses independently.
The ability to self monitor, problem solve, stay on task, make decisions, initiate and plan are all examples of executive functioning skills. If something does not go the way a child intended, being flexible, adjusting and adapting can be incredibly difficult (and if we’re being honest, this is hard for some adults, too.) Struggling with these things doesn’t mean that they’re impossible to achieve, however.
The need to control tendencies and impulses is something that can be taught, learned, and practiced. Following are some games/activities to practice and teach impulse control because they encourage a child to anticipate what will occur and have control over their body’s response. The beauty is that you can incorporate these things into your everyday routine without having to make a big deal about it.
Games/Activities:
1-Red Light, Green Light
2-Musical Chairs
3-Board Games
4-Simon Says
5-Freeze Tag
6-Duck, Duck, Goose
7-Following directions: jump 4x, stop, jump 2x, then do 5 push ups
9-Doing tasks together (building, coloring on same page)
10-Sorting activities (cards, shapes, laundry, food, etc.)
Strategies to assist with impulse control:
1-Break up larger tasks into smaller steps
2-Make a schedule (Visual schedules are great!)
3-Social stories (helps to ease anxiety and anticipation)
4-Count to 3 before responding to a question
5-Allow more or less time for task completion
6-Opportunities to practice self-regulation skills
7-Create, post and reference a list of consistent rules and expectations
If you’re working on any of these things at home, I encourage you to mention what you’re doing to your child’s teacher(s) and/or therapist(s) so there is consistency and continuity no matter who your child is interacting with or what setting they’re in. This not only ensures everyone has access to the information they need to help your child be successful, it also provides more opportunities for your child to practice their impulse control strategies.
One final thought. A child’s ability to effectively manage their impulses doesn’t happen overnight. Nor does it look the same for every child. Take time periodically to recognize the progress your child has made. Progress over perfection, progress over perfection, progress over perfection. Sometimes it truly is “slow and steady wins the race.”
Please feel free to post any questions you have below!
Take care,
Emily the OT