We are fortunate to have a village of loving, supportive family members and close friends who lift us up when we need it and love our babies unconditionally just like we do. They work hard to understand our life without judgement and we wouldn’t know what to do without them. They are without a doubt our people.
I had an experience this week, however, that reminded me of the value of also finding and connecting with people who understand our journey first hand – because they live it.
I took Max to a playgroup sponsored by OT, PT, Nursing, and Art and Music Therapy students at a local university. The group aims to provide an opportunity for children with special needs to socialize through integrated play. Max started school for the first time last week and he is in an inclusive setting which we feel strongly about, but we also want him to be able to connect with peers who are navigating similar challenges. The program description made it sound like it would do just that.
I wasn’t sure what to expect nor was I feeling particularly equipped to socialize – we’ve had a doozy of a few weeks and the introvert part of me was speaking far louder than its extrovert counterpart. But I’m so glad I pushed through and went.
I didn’t spend a lot of time talking with other parents, Max was all over the place exploring and taking it all in. But I found incredible comfort in knowing that all of the other children there were on a journey similar to Max. So when he got up from my lap abruptly during story time and ran into the middle of the circle with a loud squeal, it wasn’t a thing. Parents nodded knowingly and went on about story time completely unphased. And when he was covering his ears because it was too much chaos for him, a lovely mom offered us her spare pair of noise cancelling headphones.
It wasn’t until that night that I realized just how on edge I feel in social situations with others who may not know our story or our life. Almost more than the opportunity for Max to interact with other kids and adults he isn’t familiar with, I was grateful for an hour where I could find solace in others knowing. Knowing the struggles, the journey, the challenges and the victories – with nothing more than a simple hello and the occasional reassuring glance.
So, if the opportunity presents itself for you to be amongst other parents, kiddos, families who are navigating similar struggles – go. Go even if you’re tired, have nothing left and can’t even begin to think about making small talk with a perfect stranger. Go. Because shortly you’ll probably realize that you have the big stuff in common and you’ll likely find comfort in the reciprocal knowing. No need to explain, no need to justify, no need to talk even. Just an opportunity to be together and sit in your collective knowing. And it might be there that you find your people.
Love and light, friends!