I spent a long weekend in Denver celebrating a milestone birthday for one of my dearest friends recently. It was the first time I had been gone from my entire family overnight since before the start of the pandemic and the longest I had ever left Max. I knew my husband had it handled (and he totally handled it!), but the mom guilt before I left was REAL. I furiously organized what I could, wrote down important information, set out some clothes, grocery shopped, cleaned, packed and made list after list.

Preparing Fletcher for my trip was probably the most difficult part. We were again faced with the dance of telling him about my trip in enough time for him to organize around what was happening but not early enough that he perseverated on me being gone. It’s such a delicate balance. We’re getting better at this as time goes on and it helps that Fletcher is getting a little older, but it always feels like a bit of a gamble. It just happened to work out with my flight departure that I had enough time to take him to school the morning I left. That turned out to be the best way to do our goodbyes. It was like a normal school drop off and even though he knew he wouldn’t see me that afternoon, he was so preoccupied with his friends that he didn’t get upset and we didn’t need a long drawn out farewell with lots of tears. It was perfect for both of us.

My weekend was filled with copious amounts of nature (oh my, those Colorado mountains!) and nurture (time with dear friends always fills my cup). It was exactly what I needed when I needed it and I have vowed to never wait as long for a mama trip again.

On a granular level, I found great joy in the simplest things. I drank hot coffee, hiked without a backpack loaded with snacks, drinks, diapers and fidgets, stayed hydrated, spent more than 15 minutes getting ready in the morning and did so while listening to music or an audio book. I had time to wind down before bed, got uninterrupted sleep, enjoyed long chats and in the biggest way, I was reminded of the person I am outside of being a mom and a wife. I love both of those titles tremendously, but parts of ‘me’ were lost this year and I needed to find them again.

I’ve visited the mountains many times before. While I’ve been awestruck by their beauty, this time felt different. I fell in love with those majestic mountains this visit and I’m so grateful. They were a timely reminder that this life is so much bigger than any one of us, beauty surrounds us – we just have to open our eyes (and be present), and with time and space comes perspective.

My biggest take away from a major, long overdue reset is that while there’s a time and a place to have a clean house, laundry handled and the lawn mowed (all things that hold some importance to me), my biggest priority is spending time with my family. These “our kids ae little” moments are fleeting. Time doesn’t stand still for anyone and they are growing up right before our eyes. In reflecting, I realized that there are many days I don’t even think about being in the moment because I’m so focused on one of my many lists of things to do, logistics, scheduling and all the things.

This reset gave me time to be in my own thoughts. To genuinely reflect. To find beauty and solace in staring at the mountains and not simultaneously doing anything else . I found being unplugged refreshing. Aimlessly scrolling through social media doesn’t bring me joy. But I still find myself doing it. I was reminded that it’s okay to get lost in a book (right now it’s audiobooks for me) and that I feel my best when I’m hydrated, eating food that’s good for me and moving my body. I had this epiphany that it’s perfectly acceptable to jump on the trampoline with the boys instead of pulling weeds or picking up, that I want to say “yes” more often when they ask me to play rather than “well I can’t right now because I have to…” or “in a minute, let me just finish these dishes…” They deserve that. And you know what? So do I.

I’ve been focused on wanting to lose some weight. You know… the kind that three years ago could’ve been qualified as “baby weight” but then I watched that ship sail into the sunset so now I’m just left with stress eating weight. Doesn’t sound nearly as sweet! What I realized while on my trip is that while I want to lose weight, I actually want to find balance… more. And I’ve come to believe that with that balance will come the shedding of baggage in the form of stress, anxiety and pounds. When things are overly complicated, I’m just not able to stick to them. The last thing I need in my life right now is more obligations, more parameters, more things to follow and then stop because it’s just too much.

The solitude of my time away and a good conversation with my dear pal gave me the opportunity to create a plan. I realized that I can keep it simple by creating space for MORE of the things that are good for me and being mindful about the things that need far LESS of my time and energy. Here’s what I came up with:

More:
Water
Fruits and veggies
Movement
Mindfulness
Joy
Sleep
Being in the moment

Less:
Stress
Processed food
SUGAR
Screens
Social Media
Comparison
Guilt

I am someone who needs a visual. So I made one. Feel free to use it if this resonates with you (link below). I’ll be hanging one in my bathroom, putting one on the fridge and keeping one in my planner (yep…I still live the paper planner life!)

My biggest take away from my much needed “break” was that I need to create the time and space to do that more often and I encourage anyone who needs to hear it to do the same. It doesn’t have to be expensive or require airport security lines. It could be a solo night in a hotel, an overnight with a friend or family member, maybe just a day in nature or a very slow walk through every single aisle at Target with your favorite beverage in hand. Whatever it is and however it looks… just find a way to create that time for yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup as they say. I’ve tried. It fails every single time.

I’ve been home for a week already and I can’t believe how much lighter and happier I feel. I have more patience, feel more connected with my husband and am able to find more joy in even the simplest moments. I might even go so far as to say I feel present. I know it won’t feel like this all the time, but I also know how to recognize when it’s time for another break. Awareness is key.

Parenting and partnering are hard and so is navigating sensory challenges. When you put all of that together and you add normal everyday stressors, life can feel impossible. I hope you’re able to find a way to take a break (even if you have to be creative) when you need it. You deserve it.

XOXO

Balance Visual