When we were in one of our toughest “seasons” with what felt like a meltdown at every turn, I had absolutely nothing left. My tank was below empty and I had to dig really deep to get through the days. In the midst of Fletcher’s meltdowns. I found myself crying, or yelling, or reacting. It felt personal, even though on a really deep level I knew it wasn’t. To hear my three or four year old spewing angry sentiments in my direction was so hard. This parenting thing felt thankless.

Realizing the physical impact my reaction was having on my own body, I eventually learned to take a pause. Before reacting or responding I’d stop and take a deep breath – or several. Sometimes that pause even meant removing myself from the situation for a brief moment. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. Do I lose my marbles? Of course. But I try really hard to find that pause whenever possible. It does all of us a whole lot of good.

One strategy that has worked really well for us was introduced by Fletcher’s occupational therapist. It helps him decide if something is a big problem or a little problem. Typically, after I have taken a little “pause” I am able to calmly ask him “Is this a big problem? Or a little problem?’ That language is accessible to him. He usually stops, gives it a little thought and then responds. And then we can talk through strategies.

This didn’t happen overnight, it took practice. It doesn’t always work if he is completely dysregulated, but it has proven to help us quickly change directions (in a positive way) more times than not.